The Savor and Spill Podcast (Audio Only)

Grab a cup, bypass the visual presentation, and join hosts Richard Story and Mark Cameron for The Savor and Spill Podcast—where the critique is raw, the banter is sharp, and the treats are entirely unpredictable.

Every episode, Richard and Mark dive into the high-stakes, low-glam world of unscripted television reviews and real-time taste tests. From dissecting the deceptive strategies of The Fortune Hotel to braving questionable, logic-defying delicacies (like the infamous banana-and-chia conundrum, courtesy of recurring disrupter Mark Dowling), nothing is off the table. Expect unfiltered opinions on local bakery packaging, aggressive border patrol encounters, and the occasional musical exam horror story. It's the ultimate audio destination for a jolly good natter, a heavy dose of secondhand embarrassment, and a reminder that sometimes, life just doesn't manage to save its own bacon.

if you have any questions, you would like us to answer on are next episode or  Send us a email to ajollygoodnatter@gmail.com and @ajollygoodnatter.bsky.social 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

And a very warm welcome. Yes, thanks ever so much for joining us once again. This is yet another scintillating episode in the thrilling series titled A Jolly Good Natter over Coffee and Biscuits. As always, my name is Richard Story, and as ever, I am joined by my erstwhile companion, the indefatigable fellow who always remembers his name, which is Mark Cameron. The very same. You know, it occurred to me that after last episode, if you remember, dear listener, we had a rather disappointing taste test where we uh tried some lemon macarons and they didn't really score very highly. But after the event, it occurred to me that the name macaron isn't miles away from Cameron, is it? It's the same kind of thing. Don't you think so?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

I did not make it.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

No, okay, well, I I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Yeah, that that product uh yeah. As as you mentioned off air, the product we I gave it a five, but I think I may or should have gave it a little bit lower.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

So yes, I mean I'm just wondering whether there might be any mileage in my just addressing you from now on as Mark Macaron.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

It's not funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

No, but it's the way I tell them. That's it. It's worth doing just for that, isn't it? Yes, anyway, yes, once again, we are here in the uh beautiful environs of Crystal Palace Park. Thanks very much for all your emails that you've been sending in. We always enjoy receiving those, just in case you uh weren't aware of the option. The address is a jolly goodnatter over coffee and biscuits, and we are here again sipping coffee as we speak. Well, in between bits of speaking, is what I what I should say, really. And um and one of the things we've spoken about in previous episodes is various TV series that we uh have kind of earmarked for for watching, and we kind of managed to lose our synchronization at one point, and I watched an entire series before you'd watched even the first one, so we kind of ditched that idea. But there's another one that's just started that I quite like, which I don't know whether you've come across, Mr. Cameron, called The Fortune Hotel. Have you heard of that?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yes, I briefly saw an advert for it. Um can you give me more detail?

SPEAKER_02 2:09

I can. Would you like me to do it now?

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Please.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Okay, well, since you said please, I will. The Fortune Hotel is a sort of reality show where couples go and stay in this very posh hotel and they are each given a suitcase. But no one knows what is in the suitcases. Now, virtually all the suitcases are are what they call safe cases, which are not going to help you or hinder you. They're just kind of neutral. But one of the cases contains £200,000 in cash. I think it's £200,000. Anyway, it's a lot of money. And one of the suitcases contains an early checkout card. And at the end of each round, if you're the couple who are left holding the case with the early checkout card, you have to leave the game. You see, so you know, there's all this swapping of cases and all this deviousness and deceitfulness that goes on to try and get people to swap with each other. And uh, whoever's left with the case with the money and at the end wins wins the fortune, you see. And anyway, we're only two, I think it's two episodes into the series at this point. Uh so you might want to give it a try. You can watch it on ITV catch up and uh and see who you think. We we can maybe you know conflab with each other over who we think is the most likely person to uh or pair of persons to um carry off the grand prize.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Yeah, certainly. I just make sure that you don't blast through all the episodes as what you previously did, which was uh very disheartening because I thought we were onto something there, as it was your idea to say, let's watch a program together. And then the next step was by the way, have you seen the final episode?

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Well, I'm glad to hear that you say it was heartening because it was my idea. I take comfort from that, I really do. Well, if it's any comfort to you, I can tell you, I can assure you that I won't be listening to all of the episodes of this current one because it's they've only just started broadcasting it, so the episodes are released one at a time. When I watched that other thing, all the episodes were there already, so I could just kind of binge watch it whenever I had the time. But at the moment, I've had to watch each one, well, two of them thus far, uh, you know, when they've been broadcast. So, yes, um, there's no chance of my getting too far ahead, but I have seen the first two, so you've got a little bit of catching up to do, but not much.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Okay, brilliant. Yeah, that's that sounds good. I will certainly do that. So thank you very much for that, Richard. Can I ask, what have you been up to this week, by the way?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Uh yes, you can. Please do so.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

What have you been up to?

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Oh, I thought you'd never ask. Well, it's funny because um, as is my want, I have been listening to a lot of video exams. Uh the dear listeners uh will know that that's one of the things that I'm doing quite a lot of at the moment. Um, but having been a music examiner for uh many, many years, and in one sense, uh doing the job is the same thing every time. Candidate comes in, plays some music, you make comments, and they go out. So it's the same thing over and over again in one sense. But on the other hand, it's always different because every candidate is different, and no matter how long you may have been doing this job, which in my case is now over a quarter of a century, it still retains the capacity to throw up new surprises. And just a few days ago, I started one of these exam videos going, and there's this little girl sitting there wearing a trilby hat with bunny ears attached. And I thought, well, that's a first time. I've never heard that before. Maybe she was just trying to distract my attention from playing that wasn't particularly good.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

That sounds pretty cool, actually, the hat, the trilby happy bunny ears. I really want to get one now. For my daughter.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Ah, for your daughter. I'm glad you added that. Oh, oh, yeah, giving me the wink and the nod there. Uh, yes. Well, you can try it yourself as well. I mean, make sure you get a photo. We can post it on the uh on the podcast uh postcard uh podcast title page there. That we should do that. Don't you think so?

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Postcard? Podcast postcard.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Yes, because uh you know I remember the day when people used to, you know, write to each other on holiday. Don't you remember postcards? I worry about you constantly. Anyway, when I'm Prime Minister, I'll sort all this out. I shall bring back postcards.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

The beauty of postcards you'll remember is you'd send them because you have this obligation to let people know that you were having a lovely time and wish you were here and all that stuff. But more often than not, you'd arrive home before the postcards got delivered.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, that's right, because you used to travel by airmail, and back in the day, airmail took took a long time, a very, very long time.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Yes, especially when they did it by just folding a sheet of paper into like a paper dart thing and just throwing it into the air, into the great blue yonder.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yes, there you go. Yeah. So you so you've had an exciting week, um as always. And uh and uh this uh did she do well then?

SPEAKER_02 6:50

No, it was a very uh she didn't fail, but it was a very mediocre performance.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

That's the main thing. Well, uh the good thing is with a special hat like that, you can't fail.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Well, I beg to differ. Um, I mean, one boy came in, he I was in examining in a school, and uh he had to come out of the rehearsing a school play to come and do his exam, and he walked into the room to do a grade one trumpet exam uh wearing a pig costume, and he failed. He hemmed up the pieces.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Boom, boom.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Didn't manage to save his bacon.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

There's so many questions I have about him wearing a pig costume to a music exam. That is more than unusual.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Well, well, it happens. It happens another time. A lad had to be pulled off the rugby pitch in the middle of a rugby game, and he walked in covered in mud, looking like he'd been through the Second World War, and played like an angel. You just now look, ladies and gentlemen, this is extraordinary because we're sitting here doing our podcast, and we are joined by, if you remember, if you were listening last time, we had our special guest, Mr. Mark Dowling, and he has just approached us and is here again. So, Mr. Dowling, what a delightful surprise to see you again. Are you well? I'm very good, thank you. I'm very glad to hear it. Now, this is the first time ever that someone has joined us part way through a podcast. So you've made history. Twice you've made history. First of all, by being the guest, the first ever guest last time, and now you've joined us halfway through. You just can't keep away, can you?

SPEAKER_01 8:19

That's been my life dream to make history. So I'm glad I've done it in some small way.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Oh, well, you know, we're glad to be of service, and there's no extra charge. Well, listen, uh last time you were here, I remember you spoke about your holiday in Greece. Yes. And you said uh just at the end, you said, Oh, we didn't do anything very interesting, really, and all that kind of stuff. But there was one question I was very keen to ask you, and it just slipped my mind at the time, or maybe we just ran out of time. Um, but let me ask you now, because everyone's always moaning and groaning since um the advent of Brexit, about talking about uh, you know, border controls and how easy or otherwise it is to get into certain countries with or without a visa and all this kind of thing. Did you find any difficulty in the uh entering or leaving Greece process?

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Entering Greece was very easy. Show them my passport, gave me a standard. Actually, it was coming back that was trickier, not because of Brexit or anything like that, but because of a rather grumpy Border Patrol person. Um I got to these machines and someone had just gone through and it just the gate wasn't opening. So I was like, oh, is there a button I need to press? Do I need is there a sensor I need to put my hand over? So I was doing all those things you do in London, like hovering my hand over it, and this um border patrol guy says, Oi, just have a bit of patience. Come stand back here, stand on the yellow line, just shouting at me. Oh dear. Um it took ages, eventually the gates opened, but apart from that, it was fine.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Right. Yeah, some of those border people can be quite cross and grumpy, can't they? Well, I don't suppose they're they're everyone's favourite people, so they must just get it in the neck from passengers all day long, I suppose. I remember when I was in America, you know, I was uh doing an internal flight on one of my exam trips, and uh my What's an internal flight? Do you often fly in the wing? That wasn't very funny. But thank you for trying. Anyway, yeah, so I I was you're welcome. So I was on a flight from a place in America to another place in America. That's what I meant by it. Anyway, I worry about you. When I'm Prime Minister, I'll sort all this out. Now, and I my hand luggage had to go through the you know, the X-ray machine thing. And when it came out the other send, this very, this very uh sort of dour-looking border fellow said, You've got a lot of paper in your bag, I've got to look inside it. The X-ray machine can't see through it all. Well, of course, I had all my sight reading books, all the sight reading material. What's quite a thick, you know, wad of paper. So he started taking it all out of the bag, and of course, being me, I I should have known better in that situation. But I said, Oh, you know, now because he was leafing through it all, and all confidential material. And I said, You know, now that you've seen our confidential tests, you disqualified yourself from taking any of our exams. And he just paused in his in his leafing through and just stared at me with this fixed stare and went for rather too many seconds, and I was sitting there thinking, Am I gonna be kicked out? But then he just carried on with his leaping through and and was satisfied that there was nothing untoward in there. It's like the Paddington stairs, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Oh, yes, no, yeah, but um his aunt mate taught him taught him. Yeah, you're right, you're right, yes. I need to watch the third one of that, actually. Yeah, yeah. I quite enjoy those movies.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

And I don't have children, so hey, you don't need an excuse.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

You don't need an excuse. What what is your favourite one out of them so far? First or second. You've seen all three of them.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

All three. No, I love them all, but I think probably the first one that had that charm to it.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

It didn't it? Yeah, yeah. When he first uh yeah, when he first comes over, doesn't it? Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

A friend of mine works in the company that did all the animation for the uh the Paddington movies. And do you remember the the Paddington thing they did for the Queen's um Platinum Jubilee thing in Buckingham Palace? Remember that? His company did that as well, um, but they assigned the task to one particular animator who had to go and work in a little room all by themselves with the wind shutters down and the door locked, and no one was allowed to know what it was. It was all very top secret. That's very cool. Yeah, that is very cool. So there you go. So that's my claim to fame. I know someone who's animated Paddington. There you go. They never asked me to do it though. That's another thing I'll sort out when I'm Prime Minister.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Did you ever think you're just not going to get the job?

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Ah, but you have to persevere. I thought you'd have been aware of that. You know, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

True, like Edison, yeah, he he kept he kept going and going and going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

That's right. And he famously said, because it took him about 10,000 attempts before he you know finally had a successful light bulb. And he said he didn't fail 9,000 times. You what you tried to invent it as well, you just get one from the shop. Anyway, that's what I always do. But he said he didn't have 9,000 failed attempts. He said he had 9,000 attempts to learn how to do it properly. You see, so it's all in the mental outlook, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Very true, yeah. That's yeah, that's the way you've got to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

So guys, have you done your taste test yet? No, we haven't. Do you mind if I drop something in the hat? This is a a pre-taste test taste test. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

This is what I like. This is fantastic. Oh, what is this?

SPEAKER_01 13:28

This is a banana and banana. Um banana and cheer. Do I want to cheer? It's a a cheer thing.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

I've got that, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

That looks like a nut, but it's not a nut. Is anyone allergic to nuts? Yes, but not us. I don't know how to get it open. It reminds me of my love life. Right, here we go. The mind boggles.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

I don't know how to get it open. I worry about you. Mark two. Don't worry, this will all be edited to you, listening. Everything will pass the uh the center board.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

You are having a bit of struggle there getting uh getting it out, aren't you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Right. So this is the you're making history for a third time now. You haven't got any tissue. I do I do actually comfortable. I do, I do, I do. That is also a You're gonna need my ABBA, by the way. I I have it here. Hang on, where is it? Um yes, so you've made history three times now. First of all by being our first guest, then by being our second guest who comes halfway through, and then it's very, very sticky. Oh, and and and then actually providing the um the the the taste test uh material.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Oh but do you still do your taste test? Oh, it's a very taste test. It's a regular feature. But um but uh we've never had one that we couldn't pronounce before.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

We didn't know what it was.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

The thing you might find interesting about this is excuse me, leaf it out. Um the thing you might find interesting about it is it's it's vegan.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Oh, so it's got no meat in it then.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Well you tend not to have meat in pudding, but yeah. It's um unless it's minced pie, the dunch. Um okay, thank you, thank you. But yeah, this is um so it's got no no milk in it, no butter, no um soya either, which are two of the things on my list.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

So if it's got no milk and no butter, how does it manage to be so squidgy and sticky?

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Well maybe the cheer. I don't know what cheer is. I don't know what cheer is. You should get someone to email in, educate us. Yeah. It could be be of good cheer.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Maybe it means that when you've eaten it, you're gonna get very happy.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Banana and cheer.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, so uh how are we gonna cut this without a cutting thing? Yes, I could just break it.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

You could just tear a bit off.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Yeah, I've got some hand sanitizer if you want to do it beforehand.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it my hands look particularly grubbly? No, no, more than usual. Oh yes, yeah, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Or maybe we should just stick our heads down and start chewing. It's just a thought. And I hope it remains just a thought. Oh, thank you. Oh a bit sideways. Oh, I don't get any hand sanitizer. I see. You might need it off. You've brought an awful lot of hand sanitizer there. Are you worried that we're not very good at the hygiene thing? We are all now frantically hand sanitizing before we tuck into the banana and chia cake, or whatever it is. Have a bit more, or there's not enough for my shit. Right. Right, okay, so we're ready. Yes. Go on then.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

So we're breaking bread.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Yes. Go on, do so. Go, go. Well, am I doing it? Yeah, you do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Yeah, yeah, because you're you know, you bought it and this is your taste test. You're the special guest. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

And also, uh, I'm frightened that if I do it, it'll disintegrate into a million pieces. Yeah. Not that I would count that many, of course, that's an approximation. You didn't think I really meant a million pieces, did you?

SPEAKER_01 17:07

I don't know how evenly spread that is, but it's perfectly fine, right.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

So Right, so we've got three pieces of banana cheer cake or bread. What's it called? Banana and cheer something. Okay, I've forgotten. Well, it's something that we don't quite know, but it it looks alright, and um, and it contains banana and chia. And if you know what chair is, why don't you send us an email at jollygoodnatter.com and we'll be delighted to find out what it is we're about to consume. Okay. So we have our we have our um our scoring mindset at the ready to give it marks out of ten. Oh we here we go then. So in it goes.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

I get the banana taste.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Nicely moist. A better structure than last time's taste, yes, I've gotta say.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah, banana's not as strong as I thought it would be.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I I get the banana at the first moment when you put it in and then it disappears.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

So it's quite opposite to the the lemon what we had, where the zest was at the end. This is at the beginning. But yeah, it's got a nice, nice sponge to it as well.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

But I was thinking when we tasted it, I might get at least at least half an idea what the cheer thing is. I've no idea, I've got no clue what that is.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

I mean it's very strongly nutty. So is cheer and I don't think it's a nutty. It's a seed. I think cheer is a seed.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

You see little flat green seeds, that's what I think it is.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Our listeners are probably screaming down their phones or listening devices right now. It's there's you idiots. How do you not know this?

SPEAKER_02 18:58

One of the things that we did specifically mention last time on the taste desk was, of course, the packaging. Oh, yeah. And I have to say, on this occasion, the packaging isn't particularly impressive. Well, it comes in a uh a bakery um Yeah, it's clearly the kind of thing you'd get from like a home bakery type place rather than a printed box or something like that. I can imagine that if it's on the shelf with lots of other things presented in a similar way, it probably does look quite impressive. Lots of home-baked goods.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

And then the what's it on top?

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Is that like a I thought that was the banana like icing on the thing? Sort of like a cream cheese type thing, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Without the cheese. Yeah, yeah. If you eat it as the on the top to the bottom and the mixes together, that's quite nice, actually. But when you eat it with the solar, the soda, just the sponge, you don't really kind of get the thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

In fact, that's giving me an idea. I think that from now on, when we do these taste tests, I think you, Mark One, should actually do some home baking and bring it, bring it with you so we can we can taste it. Because you wouldn't have to worry about the packaging then. We've got another another bottle of hand sanitizer has appeared.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Mine comes out straight, yours went off to the road.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

It comes so now, Mark One and Mark Two are both sharing a disgustingly innuendo-ridden joke. But my my Richard story is being pure of heart and not getting involved in this sordid conversation. And when I'm Prime Minister, I'll sort all this out. You're both very naughty boys. What am I gonna do with you? I'm gonna tell my mum that's not really.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

I was gonna say something, I was gonna reply to that, and I thought this would be able to be edited out.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

No, I I know I know you're not that that uh that rude. You're just not. And I've noticed that um I don't well. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. No, I've noticed that since you've been hanging around with me doing these podcasts, your level of sophistication has increased.

unknown 21:15

See?

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Proved it, you see, because there's a time you'd have come straight back with a really horrible answer to that, but you know, you you've learned how to keep quiet, which is you know, the whole world is a better place as a result, don't you think so? Wow, the whole world. Yes, I know, and especially those who listen to these podcasts. You're very welcome. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Put the boot in there.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

No, I've got some very nice trainers on, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Oh, let's have a conversation about this. So, Mark 2 is wearing a t shirt and shorts.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

My Mark I myself is wearing a t shirt and shorts. And we go to Richard Story, who is wearing a hat, a jacket, a shirt, trousers. Well, someone's got to keep the standards up.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

He's wearing trainers.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Yes. And then we look around the park. There's probably about 90% of the people here are wearing shorts and t-shirt. That's right. But next time you come okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Next time you come, they'll all be dressed much more like me because they'll be trying to follow the trend that I'm setting. Yes. But you're quite right. It's quite a hot day, and I I am I do have maybe one layer too many. But the reason for that is because I got a little bit behind with my laundry. And um I didn't have uh the shirt that I wanted to wear to come out and do this podcast, um, had a nice little pocket just on the side here where I put things. But this shirt, having been behind my laundry, although I liked it. Nicely I am, perhaps. But you're very kind, but it doesn't have the uh the pocket there, you see. So I had to bring the jacket because that's where I keep all my other little bits and bobs. That's why. It's not because I have a faulty metabolism or something and I always feel icy cold even on a hot day. Okay, so happy now.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Okay, so if you're happy. Oh, you're wearing jeans. It's not trousers, it's jeans. It makes it even worse. Because that that that keeps the heat in even more.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Well, okay, well, at least I'm not gonna freeze to death, am I? I thought that was obvious. Wow. Or or is this just some you know rather badly concealed desire you have to see see me wearing shorts? You just want to see my legs, is that it? How did you know? How did you know? Okay, well, it's all coming out there. It does. I worry, I worry. I worry. Lady dear listener. Would you like any more coffee? I worry about no, you take it all, you greedy guzzler. My my my my uh my erstwhile partner here, Mr. Cameron, who always remembers his name, and I do say that in his favour. But my word, yes, yes, yes, he's um he he's he's in a funny mood today, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Slightly, slightly. I I didn't even know what day it was earlier. I thought I thought today was Saturday.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Um, but today's well it will be tomorrow, so I suppose you know no harm in being ahead of the game.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Um in 12 hours and nine minutes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Yes, well that's what I thought too. Yes, good, good, good. So, um there we are. We've covered all all the topics, I think. Unless anything else you want to say about anything else at all in the whole wide world ever.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Well, um unless uh unless Mark too has anything to say, because he he's he he jumped on halfway through and he bring us a nice taste test.

unknown 24:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Oh well I I've got a taste test as well if you want.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Do you want to do another taste test? Two taste tests in one item. I do, yeah. Bear in mind I uh you know I'm homeless because I'm a musician, so I don't don't get this much from well it's a treat.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Well, I'm pretty confident that you will never have seen this taste test item before. Of course, you might have. There is a chance, but I think it's unlikely. Are you ready for the grand reveal?

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Fantastic, yeah, please.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

The taste test on this occasion is something called Candy Kitten's Eat and Mess. Now, do you know what eat and mess is?

unknown 25:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Right, eat and mess is actually a proper name for a dessert, which is basically a mixture of broken up meringue and strawberries. And they stir it all together, and it does look a bit messy.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

That's right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

And so you get your red and white mixed together, and so it does look a bit messy, and it's called eat and mess, but it's very scrummy. And you can see these things here in the packet. You can see the sort of the pink and the white kind of colour there. So um that's what it is. Uh, and they're in the shape, I'm guessing, of kittens. Oh, there's a strawberry one, but they're in different shapes for variety, hurrah!

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Now I know a thing too about these. I I think candy kittens is a brand was made by someone from Maiden Chelsea.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Right TV stories. Okay, that makes it all right, okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

And their selling point is uh all part powered. That's what look, it says vegan recipe.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

There you go. So you can have it as well. Pretty safe for me. And look what it says down here. No nasties. That's not referring to us, by the way. No nasty is all good. So shall we break the seal and try one of these delicious-looking things?

SPEAKER_00 26:07

That's one of the worst things you can do, isn't it? Break the seal, then you've got to go.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

But before I do, what about the packaging? I think the packaging is pretty good. Do we like the packaging? I'm trying to stay serious here. What am I going to do with you lot? When I'm Prime Minister, I'm going to first of all reform the prison laws, and you'll find yourself banged up.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

It's very nice. It's very nice packaging.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Thank you. It reminds me of a deck chair I sat in once. A deck chair. Well, those stripey things on Blackwood Beach. Yes. I never understood deck chairs because you'd sit there and then someone would come along and say, deck chair money, please, and you'd have to pay money. But you never knew. I mean, would you get three hours before someone came and found you? And even if you did, even if they did come, how how would they know how much to charge you? They wouldn't know what you'd see.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

And if you didn't pay if you didn't pay them, would they deck you?

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Ah well, indeed. Yes. Yes, yes. That was almost quite funny. Keep trying. It's good to persevere. Right. Shall I open the um shall I open the I mean 9,900? It's the taking part that matters. Yes. Right, am I going to open this now? Shall I open it? Or does someone else want to do the open? That's too nice to open, doesn't it? It does. Let's just sit and stare at it for a while. Oh, Mark Mark Money's going for it. Oh, there we are. Oh, right, okay.

unknown 27:26

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Well, why don't we offer one to our esteemed guest, first of all? You can have the first dibs of these um eaten messes.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Strawberry, isn't that nice?

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Oh, there you go. Go on then, Mott.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

It's not too nice to open.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

I can smell this.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Oh, yeah, it's it's it's it's okay, but let's just get let's just get to the good stuff here.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

You know, like when a good bottle of wine and you can smell it. You like that with Christmas presents. You like that with Christmas presents. No, no one gives him any presents.

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Oh wow. They're very nicely done. So I've got a is that a kitten? I think it is. I've got a kitten. I've got a strawberry. We do have the strawberry as well. So two strawberries, one kitten.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

But you know.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

I know I've dropped it on the floor. Oh does it go? It is on the floor. I think it is. Ah.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Well, maybe it'll grow. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

It's because your hand was in the way, you see. Oh, it's Michael, is it? Give it. Alright. I'm gonna have to take another one, Richard. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

No, it's not. I haven't got one manfell on the floor.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

Right. So this time I'm doing like oh, I've got another kitten.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Yeah, it might be the same one. Anyway, are we going to try it then?

SPEAKER_01 28:25

I had no man fell on the floor. A kitten.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

So the packaging, just to let everybody know, is a purple and red stripes along, then below that is pink and white. And then in the middle there is a see-through sort of silhouette of a kitten picture, and that's where you can see the sweets.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

That's right. Delicious. You like it? Interesting. I noticed like when you have a nice glass of wine and you smell it before you taste it, the aroma comes up, or the bouquet is the proper word, isn't it? Well, when you opened the packet here, I got a whiff of the strawberry flavour before I'd even tasted it. But then curiously, once I tasted it, although it wasn't it wasn't in any way unpleasant, it didn't seem to be quite as strawberry-ish as the flavour that first greeted me when the packet that was opened. What do you think about that for an observation?

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Oh yeah, it does smell as sophisticated as you. It does smell good. Yes. I think the silence is a good answer.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I'm just thinking, this reminds me of a sweet that I used to have as a child. A retro sweet, but not a strong.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Which sweet are you thinking of?

SPEAKER_00 29:46

I can't remember. Um I know it was it was sort of this colour, but more because it had all the stuff, all the bad stuff in it that you shouldn't have. So it was more potent, obviously. But yes, it does remind me. There's one more, by the way. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

And I got another kitten. I seem to be only getting well.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

I think they're all all kittens or strawberries just to sort of have a good glance at that.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

It would have been nice to have a strawberry though, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

But if I find one, I'm sure this will run. Well, I can shake it around. Doesn't wait to be offered, just just takes it.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

What are we gonna do with you? Would you like another one, Mark?

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Oh yes, please. I need Can't get the staff these days. Well, continue, Richard, we'll catch you up. Well, half the packet will be gone.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Actually, Mark too, I remember you put a thing on uh on Facebook or some such place showing uh a packet of something a bit like this with a comment to the effect of, oh dear, I'm about to start eating these, and then I think I might eat them all in one go or something like that. So now I should have known better than when I brought this one along, shouldn't I?

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I didn't know I finished the whole packet, it was great. Fortunately, I had two.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

So well now this reminds me, a few taste tests ago, we had a thing. Do you remember in Woolworths? Do you remember Wool Woolworths? I do. Do you remember the pick and mix counter?

SPEAKER_03 31:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Right. Well, of course that doesn't exist anymore, but you can go online to a place called You Pick We Mix, and you can choose from all these different suites, and they will put them in a bag to your specifications which ones you choose. And I got one of these and I brought it along recently to one of our other taste tests. And um it was like that. And and you get like quite a big helping of these things for a reasonable price, and quite often they have special offers, you know, buy one, get one, half price, and stuff like that. Um, but the point is um that when you're sitting there saying, Oh, I'll have another one, I'll have another one, I'll finish the whole packet. Um, I don't think you'd have finished this whole packet because it was very big. I mean, and even Mark One, you know, couldn't get through all of them. Although he did try.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Yeah, um, no, they yeah, they were delicious. By the way, we didn't actually score the banana and chair. Well, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

Oh, yes, we didn't.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

And I've got to remember now how it was. Yes, I've remembered. I I I know what score I'm on. So we're gonna have the big reveal all in one go.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Okay, so Mark, you're gonna go first there. Do you remember the banana and chair? What are you gonna give it?

SPEAKER_01 32:15

I think it's between a 6.5 and a seven. Oh, I thought you were gonna go higher than that, but alright. Probably I I'll get I'll give you my 6.75.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

So room for improvement, but not a bad score. Okay. Um well, I'm higher than that. I'm on an eight. Yes, and I didn't go higher because I thought there was room for a better combination of sponge and creaminess.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Fantastic. Seven. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't too bad. It's just as I said, I just thought the banana could have been a bit more. But other than that, it was really good. Especially when you had if that was the chair on top, eat eat all uh eat both of them together, you just get a nice flavour mixed together, like a nice combination, which is great.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

There was a slight like when you finished it as well, you could taste the flour a little bit. That's that's what made it a some.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

And also there is the mystery that we didn't actually know what it was.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

We still don't know what chair is.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

They should put a little instruction on you for it, shouldn't they? That would be the polite thing, the British thing to do, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Or maybe they're just being they're just appealing to people's snobbery, saying, Oh, you don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

So, what are we gonna give the candy?

SPEAKER_02 33:24

Right, yes, the candy kittens with the eat and mess sweeties. I'm probably on uh eight for that as well. Because it looks nice, it tastes nice, but it doesn't taste quite as nice as I thought it was going to when I opened the packet. But it's still very nice. And it's nice and chewy and lovely. And I'm going to have another one because you have so many, there's hardly any left.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Mark, I um I can't think of my answer at the moment. I'm just kind of debating.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Do you need another? Just to help you. Eating is thinking.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

If I take one, you want to take another one. I I get it. No, it's it's fine. It's fine. Look, let's let's do it together.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Okay, alright. Isn't isn't that some the philosopher Descartes? Didn't he say that too I I eat there I eat therefore I am I've got a kitten as well again. Alright, reminds you of home where you've got kittens.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Very true.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Oh you got kittens.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

I have too, yes. He gets very nervous, you see.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

You're always having kittens.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Yeah, sorry, one's called whiskey, one's called Rosie.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

That's so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

So Rosie who was very shy.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

Well you well, you know why she was shy. Because why would you call a black cat Rosie? I mean that's a spectrum.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Or Rosie Blackham right.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Well, that's even more confusing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Anyway, back to the story.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

Let's get on with it. We're all well.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Rosie.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

The listeners want to hear as well.

SPEAKER_00 35:09

Yeah, Rosie's coming out of it.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

I won't interrupt, you just get on with it. This guy.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

So Rosie is yeah, but she's very confident now. She's she's very naughty. She'll talk to the table, she will draw cooking. Yeah, she's just yeah, very naughty. But whiskey, who initially was very naughty, she's very calm now, loves a cuddle, strokes, comes to her name.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Yeah, she's very good. Matured.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah, but it's just Rosie who's the naughty one.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Right, right. So when when you put the um the food down there for them, yeah, the bowl of whatever.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

That is mayhem.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

But do you do you ever say, do you do you ever are you ever tempted to say, you know, you say to Rosie, you know, here's some some some whiskers, super meat or whatever it is you use, and then you could say to the other one, would you like some there are other food brands out there for kittens.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

That's true, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Other other cat food is available. Um and you're you're welcome to try it if you like, but I wouldn't recommend it. Anyway, but you could say to the other one, when you put the food down there and the and the water and everything, you could say, Would you like some soda whiskey?

SPEAKER_01 36:21

I know. I know.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

When you've done as many podcasts as I have with this guy, you get used to it. Just get or keep on trying. Only 9,900.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

Yeah, yes, I I I am um I've applied to be Prime Minister now a few times. Uh, not quite that many. Strangely enough, every time I send the application in, they never reply. I don't know why that is. Maybe it hasn't reached them yet. They must get a lot of letters coming in. Maybe they haven't got around to opening yet.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

In Greece, they were um we were greeted by the what's the luggage thing called? The conveyor belt thing. Yes. And we didn't have any luggage, but uh I was standing by the luggage conveyor belt. For some reason.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

How long was you over there for?

SPEAKER_01 37:02

I just took a took a bag like this, hand luggage.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

Okay, how long was you over there for? Six days. Yeah, but we travel light, don't we?

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Yeah. But the whole point, if you just go with hand luggage, you don't need to wait by these. I know, I think I was went to the loo. So anyway, the thing that drew our attention was that there was the this cat on the conveyor belt playing with the label of a of a of a suitcase. Oh it had torn the label off and was just like eating it, scratching it. It was amazing.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah, because Greece and Turkey, they've got loads of cats over there, haven't they? Yeah, they're really famous for that. People just yeah, people just feed them because they just spread because they don't get um muted over there, so they just get pregnant, and then kittens mum round over there, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

Well, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Well, I well, I I saw a thing on Facebook. You know, people got those little short reel things on on Facebook just a couple of days ago, and I saw one where there's all these people standing by the the baggage carousel thing, or watching all the luggage go around. And one of the things that had been sent was uh like a shop dummy thing, a mannequin type thing that had all been wrapped up in in paper and it came through looking like a corpse, like a like a mummified thing, and everyone's going and that because it looked like this this human body just all wrapped up in bandages going going around on the thing. There you go. Anyway, it wasn't me, I didn't do it. Well, I don't think it was. I uh well if I did I'd blacked it out.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

So, what's your score, by the way? Because I've I've given I've given my score an eight as well.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Oh yeah, we both were on eight for this. So I think last time I was too generous. Um, so maybe this is very tasty. I would guzzle the whole packet. I mean I could pour it in my mouth.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

I'm having visions of that.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

This could be quite high though.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

However, it doesn't taste like eat and mess. To me, it just tastes like strawberry.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

You're right, actually. It kind of somehow needs a little bit more moisture, I think. But I don't know how you do that in a in a piece of configure.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

You can you get the sweets that have the liquid inside. So they could have poured something in the middle. You should write and tell them, maybe they'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 39:18

Yeah, as long as they pay me. Yeah. Oh, but it does say, I'm just looking on the back of the packet here, it does say it's made with strawberry juice.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Oh, interesting. Natural flavours.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

Oh, but only 5%.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

Oh that literally is yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Oh yeah, I mean, not enough of the creamy flavour either, actually. So eight 8.5.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

It's still tasty, it's still guzz a little bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Oh well, there we are. So we've all we're all done. Are we all done? Is that is that all we have time for this time? Yes. I think I think we're up to up to date once again, aren't we? Yeah. Okay, well, dear listener, thank you for the pleasure of your company, as always, and thanks for the utter and unparalleled delight of a surprise visit by our esteemed guest, Mr. Mark Darling. I hope you'll join us again sometime, if you can face it. Well, well, I know you can face me anyway. So, do you have any final words of wisdom, Mr. Mark One, before we go?

SPEAKER_00 40:20

Uh, be nice to each other.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Yes, absolutely be nice to each other. Do you want to say uh say goodbye, Mark One?

SPEAKER_00 40:26

Goodbye, Mark One.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Do you want to say goodbye, Mark II? Goodbye, Mark Two. And you want to say goodbye, Richard? Yes. Goodbye, me. Yes. Okay, as always, please don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened, and we'll see you all again next time. Thank you so much. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.